life without you
by CAT GIRL 28
Summary: this reflecs Holmes' love for watson however watson can never show love for Sherlock *songfic* a little self harm mentioned


I don't own Sherlock Holmes sadly. I hope you enjoy this a few swear words and as far as I know no spoliers

song used: life without you by stanfour

.com/watch?v=sjPsEoFYL7U - this was what I was watching when i heard the song

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><p><strong><em>Didn't want to say goodbye<em>**

"Goodbye Holmes, I'll see you soon" Watson says to Holmes before Miss Morstan and he left the room walking down the stairs and out of the front door. Holmes looked out of the window watching Watson and Miss Mary Morstan get in to the carriage, feeling that a part of him was gone and never to return. Holmes felt his heart swell felling the tears well in his eyes.

**_Didn't want to see you cry_****_  
><strong>Look what I have done<strong>_**

Watson wanted to be with that bitch who love Watson however she couldn't love him as much as Holmes could but Watson would never be able to know who he felt because who was Holmes to get in the way of his friend's happiness.

**_Didn't want to make a mess_****_  
><strong>Broke your heart and I confess<strong>_**

Time passes but Holmes' lose never did, he was so alone. He didn't even want to solve cases, he just lay down on the floor of the dark room looking at the door wanting/wishing for Watson to walk through that door but how was he kidding Watson was not coming back not that he had his wife. Holmes awoke from his sleep, 221B felt so cold without Watson, his Watson.

**_I'm the guilty one_****_  
><strong>How I need to hear you<strong>_**

"Come Mr Holmes you can't stay here inside, it's not good for your health" Mrs Hudson calls from the door in the room.

Holmes didn't bother to listen to what she said, in the end Mrs Hudson when back to doing her daily things. Holmes closed his eyes thinking about his time with Watson. All he wanted was to hear his voice again, even if it was for one last time. He so wanted to hold Watson in his arms again, stopping Watson falling but there was no one there to catch Holmes as he was falling. He was falling, barely holding on to the edge and no one coming to save him

**_Hear you so softly_****_  
><strong>Hear you say anything<strong>_**

The weeks turned to months before Holmes heard word from Watson, this was about his being Watson's best man at his wedding. This killed Holmes more than ever, he held the invitation in his hand looking down at it; tears falling from his eyes and landing on the invitation. He needed to forget Watson but how could he, Holmes loved Watson; he couldn't let go. Holmes grabbed hold of the knife on the desk before pressing it against his skin, this pain was nothing compared to the pain of losing Watson. It felt good to feel the blood run down his arm, to the floor. He was evenly pulled into darkness which he welcomed with open arms. Sadly that wasn't the end of his torment as Mrs Hudson found him just in time before getting his medical help for the deep bleeding cuts on his arm

**_**Every single tear you shed**  
><strong>Well it kills me<strong>  
><strong>She'll never see<strong>_**

Holmes came to the wedding to be there for Watson, not that he wanted to be there,

"If anyone here thinks that these two should not be married say something now or forever hold your peace" the priest said

Holmes felt his heart swell; he wanted to say something but kept it to himself. He hated to see Watson so happy with another, Holmes couldn't take it anymore. He ran off, not hearing Watson's shouts.

**This is life without you**  
><strong>Learning how to miss you<strong>

Holmes continued to run, only stopping when he needed to catch his breath. In the distance he could hear Watson calling his name. Holmes saw Watson running up to him.

"Holmes, are you allr..." Watson was saying before Holmes kissed him, Watson pulled away quickly looking at Holmes "What the hell, Holmes"

Watson turned to leave, he didn't know what was up with Holmes

"John, please" Holmes says, this made Watson looked at Holmes "Please don't leave again"

Watson looked back before walking away, Holmes fell to his knees. The only thing keeping him from falling was now gone

**I guess I need to know how it feels like**  
><strong>This is life without you<strong>  
><strong>I don't know who to turn to<strong>

More time passed, Holmes was stood at the top of the falls with Moriarty. The door flew open to revile Watson; Holmes looked at him before rushing forward. Watson ran to the edge watching Holmes fall "Sherlock" Watson shouted

**And everything I know to say is goodbye**  
><strong>So goodbye<strong>

Watson go down to the bottom of the falls looking for his friend but he could see nothing of his friend or Moriarty "Holmes, Holmes" Watson shouted in to the falls, he had loosed the bestest friend that he had ever known

**This is life without you**  
><strong>This is life without you<strong>

**Didn't want to make a mess**  
><strong>Didn't want to feel again<strong>

Three years passed, Holmes had watched over Watson and his family. Mary had given birth to a little boy. She and Watson had called their son, Daniel Sherlock Watson. Watson held his new born son closely. Thinking of his friend and how he had failed him "I won't fail you like I did him" Watson whispered to his son

**This heart has had enough**  
><strong>Desperate hurting all alone<strong>  
><strong>Called the house that isn't home<strong>

It was a year later that Holmes came back, he knocked on the door. Watson was shocked to see his friend standing at the door way, Watson pulled Holmes into a tight hug. Holmes hugged him back; he felt that he had gotten the part of him that he had lost back. But that was not to lasted

**You're afraid to pick it up**  
><strong>All I want is someone to tell me I'm crazy<strong>

Mary was not happy about having Holmes staying in her home, she spoke to Watson. After a long argument, the house went quite. Watson walked to the room that Holmes was staying in.

"Holmes I'm sorry but you have to leave" Watson says to Holmes

Holmes gathered what he had before leaving the room; Watson placed a hand on Holmes' arm however Holmes pulled away from him. Mary had always hated him, especially when he was with Watson. Knowing that he would never be able to be with Watson what was the point of living

**It just might save me**  
><strong>All I need is someone right here beside me<strong>  
><strong>Now I can see<strong>

Holmes slammed the door of 221B open before walking up the stairs his head hung low. He didn't want to be in a world where he couldn't have Watson. He picked a bit of paper and a quill before writing something on it. It was a dressed to Watson, he left it on the desk; if Watson ever came back the letter would explain everything and that he had always loved him

**This is life without you**  
><strong>Learning how to miss you<strong>  
><strong>I guess I need to know how it feels like<strong>

A few moments after Holmes had left 221B Watson had arrived at 221B. He ran up the stairs and to the study, he looked around for Holmes before spotting the letter on the desk he picked it up before reading it

Dear my dearest Watson,

I don't know how I would write this however here it goes, if you haven't guess by now I have loved you since the day that we had first met; I had tried to deny my feelings for you but I seem to have failed at that. I find life without you by my side not worth living, so this is goodbye my Boswell. If you wish to find me I will be lying where Moriarty lies however By the time you read this there will be no chance of finding me.

Yours sincerely

Sherlock Holmes

PS – Don't blame yourself Watson

Watson placed the letter in his pocket before running out of the room and down the stairs, out of the door

**So this is life without you**  
><strong>I don't know who to turn to<strong>  
><strong>And everything I know to say is goodbye<strong>  
><strong>So goodbye<strong>  
><strong>This is life without you<strong>

Time passed Holmes was walking up the path to the falls, a few tears in his eyes. Holmes stood at the top of the falls looking down, he breath slowly and deeply in the distance he could hear someone calling his name. He thought that it was a figure of his imagination; he fell forward only not to fall far. He looked up to see Watson, I couldn't believe it. I could see that Watson was falling forward.

"Watson let go" Holmes said to Watson

"No Holmes" Watson says "I can't lose you again"

"John please, if you don't then we're both going to die" Holmes says tears in his eyes; he didn't want Watson to die. It was better that he died then Watson

**This is life without you**  
><strong>Learning how to miss you<strong>

"Holmes I can't" Watson says

Knew that Watson wouldn't let go, he started to try and slip his hand out of Watson's hand.

"Holmes hold on" Watson growled, trying to keep Holmes from falling

**I guess I need to know how it feels like**  
><strong>So this is life without you<strong>

"I'm sorry John" Holmes says before slipping his hand out of Watson's falling.

"Sherlock" John shouted holding his hand out; he felt tears welling in his eyes. He had just lost his bestest friend again and this time there was nothing that was going to bring his friend back. Watson would always think of Sherlock as the greatest and smartest detective that this world had ever known

**I don't know who to turn to**  
><strong>And everything I know to say is goodbye<strong>  
><strong>So goodbye<strong>  
><strong>This is life without you<strong>  
><strong>This is life without you<strong>

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><p>I really didn't like doing this to Holmes and Watson. also I really want to punch marywatson's wife in the face for taking watson away from Holmes

please review


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